Understanding Your PinkFolder Intensity Rating: How Strong Feelings Shape Your Mutual Menu™ – The Weight of Technology

Create your OWN PinkFolder Mutual Menu and also discover your Intensity Rating.

Most people think compatibility is only about what you like: movies, food, music, nights out, nights in.

But there’s another layer that quietly drives how easy—or tricky—it feels to line up with someone:

How strongly you feel about the things you like and dislike.

That’s what the PinkFolder Intensity Rating measures.

It doesn’t judge you. It doesn’t label you “good” or “bad.”
It simply answers a very useful question:

“How intense are my preferences right now—and how does that shape my connection with someone else?”

Your Intensity Rating is a free bonus feature built into the PinkFolder Mutual Menu™ online tool.
When you use the web version, it automatically calculates this meta-score for you based on the answers you’ve already given.

This chapter explains:

What the Intensity Rating is
How it’s calculated (in human language)
What “High,” “Moderate,” and “Low” intensity actually mean
How to use your score in real-world relationships
What not to do with this information

You can read this chapter before or after generating your score—but it will make the most sense once you’ve seen your number.

Create your OWN PinkFolder Mutual Menu and also discover your Intensity Rating.

1. What Is the PinkFolder Intensity Rating?

Your PinkFolder Intensity Rating is a score from 0 to 100 that describes two things:

How strong your reactions are
- Do you tend to love or hate things?
- Or do you often fall somewhere in the middle?
Which direction you lean overall
- Do you lean more enthusiastic (lots of “LOVE IT” and “LIKE IT”)?
- More cautious/critical (lots of “MEH” and “NOPE”)?
- Or more balanced/flexible?

It does not tell you if you’re right or wrong.
It simply gives you a “zoomed-out picture” of your rating style—across all categories in your PinkFolder Mutual Menu™.

You might think of it like this:

The category ratings show your individual preferences
The Intensity Rating shows your preference personality

2. The Rating Scale: A Quick Recap

Throughout the PinkFolder Mutual Menu™, you rate items with:

♥♥♥ LOVE IT
♥♥ LIKE IT
❓ CURIOUS
… MEH
✖ NOPE

Behind the scenes, the Intensity Rating translates these into simple numbers so it can look at all your answers together.

Here’s how the system treats each rating:

LOVE IT = +2
LIKE IT = +1
CURIOUS = 0
MEH = –1
NOPE = –2

You never see these numbers in the interface—but the online tool uses them to:

Measure how positive or negative your average response is
Measure how often you choose extreme answers (LOVE IT or NOPE) vs. softer ones

Create your OWN PinkFolder Mutual Menu and also discover your Intensity Rating.

3. How the Intensity Score Is Calculated

(In plain language, not math class.)

When you click “Generate My PinkFolder Summary” in the online tool, it:

Looks at all the items you actually rated
- It ignores anything you left blank.
- It counts how many times you chose LOVE, LIKE, CURIOUS, MEH, or NOPE.
Calculates an average “tone” of your ratings
- Are you mostly positive? Mostly cautious? Mixed?
- It combines your answers into one overall average, then normalizes it to a simple range:
  - +1 means very positive overall
  - 0 means mixed / in the middle
  - –1 means very negative overall
Measures your “extreme fraction”
- It checks what percentage of your ratings are:
  - LOVE IT (♥♥♥) or
  - NOPE (✖)
- These are considered strong, high-energy reactions (even when they’re negative).
- If you use LOVE and NOPE a lot, your intensity goes up.
- If you live mostly in LIKE / CURIOUS / MEH, your intensity is softer.
Combines both into a 0–100 Intensity Score

The score is built roughly like this:

Part of it comes from how strongly you lean positive or negative
Part of it comes from how often you use the extreme ends (LOVE IT / NOPE)

You don’t have to memorize the formula. What matters is the meaning.

4. What the Score Ranges Mean

Once calculated, your score falls somewhere from 0 to 100.

0–39: Low Intensity

“I’m more flexible or middle-of-the-road.”

You likely choose a lot of LIKE, CURIOUS, or MEH
You may occasionally LOVE or NOPE something, but not constantly
You’re often:
- Easygoing
- Open to compromise
- Less triggered by mismatched preferences
You might say things like:
- “I’m good with most options.”
- “I don’t really care, we can try your thing.”

Low intensity doesn’t mean you have no personality. It just means your preferences aren’t usually deal-breakers.

40–69: Moderate Intensity

“I care about a good amount of things—but I also bend.”

You probably have some clear LOVES and NOPES
You still use LIKE and CURIOUS fairly often
You’re often:
- Selective in certain areas (e.g., food, social life, home environment)
- Open in others
- Able to adapt—but not at the cost of your core comfort
You might say:
- “I’m cool with a lot, but there are a few things I really can’t stand.”
- “Let’s find something that works for both of us.”

This range is very common—and often quite workable in relationships.

70–100: High Intensity

“I feel things strongly—and it shows in my preferences.”

You probably use LOVE IT and/or NOPE a lot
You might have clear lines in the sand:
- Strong triggers
- Strong delights
You’re often:
- Passionate
- Particular
- Easily lit up—and easily turned off
You might say:
- “If we’re doing it, let’s do it right.”
- “There are some things I just won’t do.”

High intensity isn’t “bad.” It simply means:

When something is right for you, it’s really right—and when it’s wrong, it’s really wrong.

That’s powerful information for anyone trying to love you well.

Create your OWN PinkFolder Mutual Menu and also discover your Intensity Rating.

5. Orientation: Positive, Cautious, or Balanced

Along with your overall intensity, the system also looks at which way you lean:

Do you mostly LOVE and LIKE things?
Mostly MEH and NOPE things?
Or is it mixed?

This becomes your orientation statement in the summary.

You’ll see one of three messages (or something close to them):

“Overall positive / enthusiastic”
- You select more LOVES/LIKES than MEHs/NOPES
- You likely approach activities with curiosity and optimism
“Overall cautious / critical”
- You select more MEHs/NOPES than LOVES
- You’re more careful, selective, or protective of your energy
“Overall balanced / flexible”
- Your responses tilt neither strongly positive nor strongly negative
- You spread across the spectrum more evenly

None of these is “better.”

They’re simply different styles of relating to options.

6. How to Read Your Intensity Snapshot in the Summary

At the end of your generated online summary, you’ll see an “INTENSITY SNAPSHOT” section that includes:

Your Intensity Score (0–100)
A one-line Level description
(e.g., “High Intensity – strong opinions & clear likes/dislikes.”)
A one-line Orientation
(e.g., “Overall positive / enthusiastic…”)
Basic stats:
- Total items rated
- How many Loves, Likes, Curious, Mehs, Nopes
- Average rating (–1 to +1)
- Percentage of “extreme” ratings (LOVE or NOPE)

This snapshot is like the little legend on a map:

The rest of your PinkFolder shows where your preferences are
The Intensity Snapshot shows how forcefully you travel there

7. How to Use Your Intensity Rating (Solo)

Even if you’re not actively comparing with anyone yet, your Intensity Rating is useful for self-awareness.

Here’s how to work with it:

A. If You’re Low Intensity

Ask yourself:

“Do people sometimes assume I don’t care because I’m flexible?”
“Are there areas where I should speak up more clearly about what matters to me?”
“Do I hide preferences to avoid conflict?”

Use this as a nudge to:

Name at least a few non-negotiables clearly
Share what you do care about most—not just what you’re “fine” with

B. If You’re Moderate Intensity

Ask yourself:

“Which categories carry the most intensity for me?” (Food? Home? Social? Romance?)
“Do I communicate early about my big YES’s and NO’s?”
“Where am I flexible—and where am I really not?”

Use this as a reminder to:

Highlight your top joy zones and top no-go zones for anyone close to you
Own that some things are negotiable—and some just aren’t, and that’s okay

C. If You’re High Intensity

Ask yourself:

“Do people ever feel like they’re ‘walking on eggshells’ with my preferences?”
“Do I give others room to like things I don’t?”
“Where can I soften from NOPE to CURIOUS or MEH when the stakes are low?”

Use this as a tool to:

Embrace your passion and clarity—it can be a huge asset
Also create “bridge zones” where you’re willing to explore, especially for shared connection
Clearly communicate:
- “These things are really important to me,” and
- “These things I can negotiate or experiment with.”

Create your OWN PinkFolder Mutual Menu and also discover your Intensity Rating.

8. How to Use It in a Relationship

The real magic happens when two people both complete their PinkFolders and both have Intensity Ratings.

Here’s how to use it together.

Step 1: Compare Overall Styles

Are you both high intensity?
One high, one low?
Both in the middle?

This affects how you navigate:

Decision-making
Planning nights out/in
Handling mismatched preferences

A few common patterns:

High Intensity + High Intensity
- Pros: Passion, clarity, excitement, strong sense of self.
- Challenges: Potential for big clashes if neither is flexible in certain areas.
- Tip: Identify non-negotiables early and establish safe, playful negotiation zones.
High Intensity + Low Intensity
- Pros: One brings direction, the other brings flexibility.
- Challenges: The flexible one may feel overshadowed or “steamrolled.”
- Tip: The low-intensity partner still needs to explicitly name their true boundaries—not just “I’m fine with anything.”
Moderate + Moderate (or Moderate + either)
- Pros: Usually workable; a mix of preferences and adaptability.
- Tip: Treat intensity differences like data, not drama.

Step 2: Use Intensity to Prioritize Conversation

Don’t start with the categories where you both shrug.
Start with:

The categories where one or both of you:
- Have many LOVES and NOPES
- Wrote detailed notes
- Clearly care deeply

Then ask:

“Where can we easily create Sweet Spots?”
“Where might we need explicit agreements?”
“Where can we experiment gently instead of forcing change?”

Your Intensity Snapshot helps you spot the hot zones before they become hot conflicts.

Step 3: Normalize Differences Using the Score

Instead of:

“Why are you always so picky about restaurants?”

Try:

“Our PinkFolders show you’re higher intensity around food—and I’m lower. How can we work with that?”

Or:

“You’re low intensity in most categories, but really strong-minded about home space. Let’s treat that as a priority comfort zone.”

The rating gives you a shared language:

It’s not “you’re difficult”
It’s “you’re higher intensity here; let’s design around that.”

9. What This Rating Is Not

The PinkFolder Intensity Rating is:

Not a psychological diagnosis
Not a measure of emotional stability or maturity
Not a permanent label that defines who you “really are forever”

It is:

A snapshot of how you’re currently responding to your environment
A tool to help you talk more clearly about how much certain things matter
A lens, not a verdict

You are allowed to:

Change over time
Re-take your PinkFolder online later and notice shifts
Be high intensity in one season, lower intensity in another

10. Re-Taking and Tracking Your Intensity Over Time

Because life changes—jobs, health, stress, relationships, seasons—it can be interesting to:

Revisit your PinkFolder in the online tool once or twice a year
Regenerate your Intensity Rating
Compare snapshots:

Ask:

“Has my intensity gone up or down?”
“Do I feel more guarded now? More open?”
“Have major life events shifted what I’m willing to tolerate or explore?”

This can give you:

Compassion for yourself (“Of course I’m more cautious right now.”)
Insight into why certain conflicts feel sharper or softer than before
A way to mark growth or changes in your comfort zones

Create your OWN PinkFolder Mutual Menu and also discover your Intensity Rating.

11. A Short Example

Imagine two people rating the same 40 items.

Person A:

LOVES: 20
LIKES: 10
CURIOUS: 5
MEH: 3
NOPES: 2

They will likely:

Have a higher positive orientation
A moderate–high intensity (lots of LOVE, some NOPE, but plenty of LIKE/CURIOUS)
Come across as enthusiastic and selective, but not relentlessly rigid

Person B:

LOVES: 4
LIKES: 6
CURIOUS: 18
MEH: 8
NOPES: 4

They will likely:

Have a balanced or slightly cautious orientation
A moderate or low intensity (fewer extremes, lots of CURIOUS)
Come across as more exploratory, slower to extreme reactions

Neither is “better.”

But knowing this helps both people:

Understand why one jumps quickly to “YES!” or “NEVER”
While the other often lives in “Maybe, let’s see how it feels.”

12. Using the Intensity Rating Wisely

Some healthy ways to use your PinkFolder Intensity Rating:

As a conversation starter, not a verdict
As a map of your energy, not a scoreboard
As a tool for empathy, for yourself and others

Avoid using it to:

Shame yourself (“I’m too much” / “I don’t care enough”)
Attack others (“You’re high intensity, that’s why you’re the problem”)
Force decisions (“My intensity is higher, so I win”)

Instead, try language like:

“My Intensity Rating suggests I feel things strongly here. Can we design around that?”
“You’re more easygoing in this area—can you help me soften, while I still feel seen?”
“Let’s look at where our intensities match and where they don’t, and build from there.”